Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Shaking In San Diego

Today there was a major earthquake that hit L.A. and was said to be about a 5.8 but they later down graded it to a 5.4 which is still pretty major. Luckily, it did not cause serious damage anywhere. We felt it down here in San Diego and it was weird because I was at work when it happened. I was sitting in a chair with the kids and I started shaking back and forth and I asked Desarae (the other girl who I work with) if she felt it, but we didn't think much of the situation or even thought it was an earthquake for that matter. I get a phone call from Kim asking me if everything was ok and that is when I knew...(thanks Kim for checking up on me! ;) I have never experienced an earthquake before in the whole 4 years we have lived out here and I am so glad that it was not bad...I don't know what I would have done! So all is good here!

Lucas had duty last night till this morning and he might have to turn around and go to work, which would be hard on him since he probably only got like 4 hours of sleep. It is hard to believe that tomorrow is already Wednesday...time is going by some what faster now. Just glad I have at least 2 weeks under my belt...wish it was 3 months! It will be here before I know it though! I have been really lucky to get back in touch with some friends out here and I am sure that will help to pass the time! Hope all is well...just wanted to tell you all I am safe...no damage! Phew!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

2 Weeks Today! And Excitement Growing!

Flying Over Alaska, Their First Stop
Finally! Arriving In Japan!
This is where he is at when he is talking to you!
Right outside of the front gates of the base...his new home away from home.
The beaches look amazing!
I am sure that many of you received an email with these pictures that Lucas took yesterday on his first adventure of Japan, but I wanted to post a few if some of you didn't. It really is hard to believe that he is over there, but the pictures are just that constant reminder that this dream is true. It is weird to know that he is a world away from us, different time zone, different day, different culture, etc. I can't help to be jealous when I see pictures of a world and culture I may never experience, but in the same breath, I am so glad it is him and this experience is going to be ever changing for him. The beaches and water look so amazing, like straight out of a travel magazine. The water looks so crystal clear, but I don't know if I would get in the water after seeing the warning signs posted, even if the coast was all clear! His new haircut is funny to see. I remember taking him to base to drop him off and all, or most of his fellow Marines had their heads shaved and they were giving him a hard time about it. I guess Marines shave their heads on their first deployment for some reason, and I asked why he didn't and he just said he didn't want to look dumb! But I am sure it is nice to have it all gone...some days I wish I could shave all mine off! LOL. He looks extremely excited and sounds better everyday I speak with him. So far, 2 weeks are down of this deployment and I am starting to just be anxious for this to be over with. Although these 2 weeks seems like a month, I know that the time will pass quicker and quicker and he will be home before we know it. I am just anxiously awaiting more adventures that he takes and pictures which just get me more excited about the deployment! For now, it's another day almost done and a new one to face tomorrow. I never thought I would be so excited for tomorrow to be over with!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Lucas and I found this hilarious! Just thought I would make a less depressing post!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Catching Up To Me

I don't know if it is the whole sleep deprived situation or the combination of that and being stressed that has caused me to just lose my mind. I am forgetting things all the time now, I am scrabbling to get up and get ready for the day, and I am CONSTANTLY tired! I think I yawn about a million times throughout the day and when I come home, I just crash...poor Bandit and Duke! My mind is just pulled in twenty million directions, worrying about this and that, and I think I just need to just chill. I need to remember that I am not super women although I seem to think I am at times! Taking on way too many things at once is my specialty and it is catching up with me. I think this weekend I am going to be doing some major R & R time with just me and the dogs. I feel bad neglecting them throughout the week, but its hard when its just me to find the energy to get pulled around for a walk, especially with Duke! It is hard to have them both for a walk at once...but I should work on that! Here I go yawning again.......I'm off to bed! TGIF Tomorrow, I don't think I would make it through the week if it was Monday today!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

One Day At A Time

Lucas and I have finally established a nice schedule of when we are able to talk to one another and when that time rolls around at 2:00 a.m. here, I find myself waking up either to his call or wondering why he hasn't yet. The hard times come when he is unable to call me for whatever reason and it is hard to not know what is going on, but the biggest challenge I face to not being able to just simply pick up the phone and call him just to say I love you! I miss that! It truly takes your friends and family to get you through those times when he is unable to and to be honest, I don't like him to know that I cry sometimes at night and I have my days when I feel like the Marines takes him away from me too much. It is way to easy to let the negative reasons cloud your real feelings. For the most part I have been so positive about this experience and I have established my own routine throughout the day. Between work, working out, and school it has been hard to even have time for the poor dogs, but in the same sentence it is all a good thing right now. I told Luke last night that I feel like he has been gone for months...I wish that was the case. Time seems to be going quickly, I just need to keep my mind wondering away from the situation.
Luke is staying super busy with work. He has been getting up and working out before going to work...he said he has a baby he needs to get rid off...lol. He is able to go off base this weekend, so I am looking forward to pictures of Japan and curious to see where he is going to go. He is anxious to try some new foods...he is so brave! When he gets a chance he will post them for you all to see!
For now, it's just another day gone...I keep telling myself one day at a time! *Sigh*

F.Y.I: If you have any pictures that you have that I don't have up, email them to me and I would love to put them up on here. If you need any of Luke's mail information or anything just let me know! Thanks!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

One Week Down, One Week Strong

I couldn't help but wake up and feel good today. It's been a week since Lucas left and I know in my mind that it is one week out of the way...and only about a million more to go...lol, or so it feels like. But not to put a damper on things, I am feeling pretty good today and highly motivated for a Sunday! I went hiking in the mountains and made it all the way up Fortuna Mountain, which made me feel very liberated and accomplished! Even though I go running here everyday after work, it felt good to go above and beyond what I thought I could do. It is very beautiful up here and definitely peaceful, which left me with a great deal of time to just ponder. I know that there will be times ahead that will be trialing and I will miss Lucas more and more everyday, but today I am feeling stronger...one week stronger...and I know I am that much closer to seeing him. I never thought I would be able to get through this, but thank you to everyone who has really supported Lucas and I through this...we know we could never make it through this without our back bones which is our family and friends! We love you all!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Growing Worries

I try not to worry too much about things that I can not change or have no control over, but it is hard to do that when you are a military wife. Everything in your families lives are so unexpected and you just learn to expect anything and everything that could possible get thrown at you. I am so worried that Lucas would have to go to Afghanistan where I hear is getting really bad. A girlfriend that I know, her husband had to leave to go there and will be gone for a year and apparently they are sending 15,000 more troops over to help. I know that during our deployment briefing that I attended before Lucas left prepared us for the possibility of having to deal with them leaving Japan to go to Iraq or elsewhere that needs help but I am just sitting here everyday crossing my fingers hard and praying that Lucas will not be one of them. Is that selfish of me to do that? I feel in a sense it is, but everyone wants to be selfish in situations like this where a loved one is in harms way, but its all the same in the end, fighting for your country is a great honor and something to stand tall for. Stand for something or fall for nothing.
I just recently found out that my cousin Zachary will be heading over to Iraq in September along with another person I know from North Carolina. I have never been surrounded by so many deployments out of 6 years being in the military environment and its starting to hit very close to home.
For now, as hard as it, I am going to try and just concentrate on today and today only, because I can not change tomorrow or yesterday...

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Few And The Proud

No better friend, no better love
A bad boy yet a good man
Strong inside and out
With a gentle heart and hand
Too easy it is to fall for him
And see your future in his eyes
Not worrying then of times to come
Not thinking of goodbyes
So there you stand with dogtags on
Worn close around your neck
Waving goodbye to him and praying
For the day that bus comes back
Then its lonely nights in bed
Waiting for the phone to ring
Dreaming of the times you've had
Remembering everything
You wait for letters sent by him
And cherish every word he writes
Reading them each over again
To help get through the lonesome nights
You wake up to midnight phone calls
To hear how he has been
And say "I love you" enough times to last
Until you talk to him again
You do your best to tough it out
Without a shoulder on which to lean
Smiling while thinking of how it feels
To fall in love with your Marine!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Anyone Who Said It Was Easy...Is A Liar!

It's easy to give others advise when you have been there, done that. It's hard to hear the advise that things get easier as it goes because right now it feels like it won't. Although it will get easier (hopefully) for me one day further down the road, I am directly feeling the after affects of this deployment. I guess tonight is just one of those nights when you have too much time on your hands to think about everything under the sun and it makes it hard to keep that smile on your face and positive attitude in mind. Missing not only Luke, but also family makes it that much harder, but no one said it was going to be easy...so taking it one day at a time is all I can do. The only thing that keeps me going is the random phone calls in the early morning from Luke ensuring me that everything is ok and that reassurance is all I need to wake up and start my day off.
I got a phone call from Luke at 5:30 a.m. and the time difference is a killer! But I will be sleep deprived for a good reason and I know the kids at work will keep me on my toes until I come home and crash! That seems to be the routine lately. Luke sounds good like usual and he is busy busy busy. I hate that our phone calls are so short or so it seems because it is all we have. I find myself just finding the most random things to talk about just to stay on the phone with him as long as I can, but he knows my games all too well! =)
Today was a hard day full of tears, but I know I will go through many more. I keep thinking about family back home and how hard it is for them because they had to say good-bye 2 months before I did, so for them it is a 8 month deployment...my heart goes to you!! This truly is going to be a really tough life challenge and I do not know how people do it more than once!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Greetings From Okinawa, Japan!

Lucas called me this morning at 1:13 a.m. and it was so good to hear his voice. As corny and dumb as this sounds, while he has been gone I would call his cell phone just to hear his voicemail and voice. Creepy, I don't know, but it helps, and at least we have that instead of having to write letters like in boot camp.

Any who, he sounded really excited and eager to get to work. He said that they have been really busy. When they arrived they went through another customs check, had to unload everything and get settled in. He just got his Internet up so I am sure most of you have heard from him by now in one way or another. Even though I was awoken from a dead sleep (all for a good reason) it was good to hear that he is doing good and how excited he is to be there. They are unable to leave base for a week for some reason, so I am sure him and his buddies will make up for that in one way or another...they are a wild bunch! So all is good, and it is starting to get harder as the days go by, but thanks for all the love and support, I know that it would be so much harder if I didn't have you all! Thanks!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Waiting Game

I find myself not parting ways with my phone for too long and if I do I rush to it, just to check to see if I have missed a call. Even when I am watching T.V. my mind is constantly on the computer wondering if he is going to call me on this new Skype Program that I am totally unfamiliar with...So I am probably missing something without knowing it...lol. It has been a long time since we went a day without speaking with each other and I know, I know, cut the cord with him right? But it is hard when you are use to it...but the anticipation is killing me...So I guess I will watch the clock (mine and his in Japan) and wait for that call......tick tock, tick tock...

Monday, July 14, 2008

Denial Instantly Fades Away

I really thought that denial would stay for awhile and it would take a lot longer for it to all settle in my mind since we have been through these "mini deployments" all too often, but some how today I just knew it was different. I don't know what made it trigger, maybe not seeing the small things such as his shampoo or toothbrush next to mine or maybe just seeing his car in the garage, but it seemed to just hit me like a brick when I woke up. It was hard enough getting about an hour sleep and maybe that is why I am so emotional today...who knows. I felt bad for Duke because he waits by the door for Luke to come home and I know he is just a dog, but it is hard to know that he wont be coming home for awhile. Luke and Duke (lol) have that special bond with one another and it seems as though Duke is depressed when he is gone. All these small things is making the denial go away fast and it hasnt even been 24 hours yet.

I am lucky that I have 4 girlfriends that are going through this same thing right now and it helps to hear from them that it will get better and the tears will stop, and your pain turns into being anxious as the month dwindle down....I just cant wait to feel that.

I heard from Luke this morning at about 5:14a.m. and they were just boarding a plane from L.A. to Alaska. He had a long night riding on the bus to get to the airport and I am sure he is exhausted, but he wont get a break for a while. When he arrives at Alaska he, and his whole squadron have to go through customs which will take a long time as they have to go through every single bag and make sure there is nothing illegal. Then they will catch their flight from Alaska to Japan which I think is like 14 hours, I am not sure, but he will have plenty of time to get some R and R.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Saying Good-Bye Is The Hardest Thing To Do

We both woke up today and looked at each other thinking, is today really the day? I think we were both pretty much in denial about what was about to happen and for some reason it seemed like a typical Sunday at the Leifermann household. We just sat around, watched a movie, cooked (well he did ;), but we both knew and even Duke, that today is the last day we had with one another for 6-7 months. We loaded everything up in the car and drove to the base where you could see tons of Marines, sea bags, and loved ones standing there. It makes you feel better knowing that you are not the only one that is having a bad day and having to say good-bye to someone you love. As we sat there talking for 2 hours before I had to leave, it just seemed like a tease. A part of me wanted to just get up and leave to just get it over with, kind of like ripping off a band-aid...I just wanted to get it over with and feel the sting, but on the other hand I wanted to hold onto him as long as I could. 8:00 was the time we had to part and up until that point, we had been strong for each other, no crying or being negative, but it was hard when we walked to the car and said our good-byes and I love yous. I wish that moment would have lasted forever.

The drive home was a blur, I dont remember how I got home, but I kept thinking to myself, stay strong, be brave and happy for him, it is what he wants. I am so proud of Lucas, as many people are, and I know deep down he is ashamed to feel excited about this because he is leaving me and the dogs (hahaha like our kids) behind, but I hope he will have a blast and take away a lot from this, as I know he will. So here we go...embarking on these uncharted waters that we have yet to experience, but I am excited to see where this is going to take us........I miss him already!